If you are asking this question, chances are you have been dating for quite sometime or just feel ready that it is finally time to take the next step in your relationship. You may also be wondering what are the secrets to get your partner to finally propose to you? It is possible to be experiencing FOMO as you are scrolling through social media, and you keep seeing friend after friend getting engaged and to see that each proposal is topping the previous one.

The subtle dropping hints of “oh wow, guess who just got engaged,” or “wow, they got engaged already, they have only been together for 10 months and we have been dating for 6 years already,” may not be doing the trick.

I know the feeling firsthand, and I must admit, these were my exact words before my husband proposed. There was strange part of me that would get annoyed, perhaps even hurt, that Sally got engaged, and here I was, just the “girlfriend.” But for some reason, the title and experience of being engaged and finally moving forward to the next step meant so much to me, which I had to explore for myself and of course, share with my partner.

If you are finding yourself in this same phase in your relationship, here are some tips to consider:

Recognize that you have zero control over someone’s actions.

I know, I know, this blog is titled, “how to get your partner to propose,” so you were hoping for the secrets on how to actually get someone to do something. I hate to break it to you, but I do not have the capability to share any special instructions of putting someone under a trance, but I can share some tips that may be helpful in having open honest conversations with your partner that are related to moving your relationship forward.

Define your relationship goals.

Have you and your partner had a conversation related to your relationship goals? For example, where do you see your relationship in 3 years? What kind of things do you want to be working towards? Do you both want to get married? At what age did you envision yourself getting married? What does it mean to each of you to “be ready” to get married? What needs to be happening? Is it a steady job, is it finishing school, is it related to waiting for a baby to be born, is it getting out of debt? Define for each of you what this means. I will warn you that this conversation can feel a little vulnerable or perhaps lead to someone feeling like they are being cornered, especially if someone is not prepared for these questions.

If it is important for you to get engaged soon, share why that is important for you.

Simply being engaged just to show off your engagement ring online, may not be the right reason to be engaged right now. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you “shouldn’t” feel excited to share with friends and family when you do get engaged, and yes, you will want to scream it from the rooftops, but really think of why you want to get engaged right now. Are you planning to have a long engagement so that you can plan for your dream wedding? Is it that you want to get married before having kids and are ready to start a family? Is it that you are ready to feel settled, and getting married will help in feeling a sense of stability? Explore what this means for you, it may be multiple conversations, and you may not get through all these questions in one sitting. Explore the importance of what will change for you when you get married and what you feel is still “on hold” by not getting married.

This is different for all couples. I bring this up because both partners have different ideas as to what life “should” look like, so having this conversation is helpful in knowing what the expectations are.

Set clear expectations.

It is best to have a conversation of what you are wanting out of a relationship and to understand the meaning out of it. Chances are, that if you are not on the same page, one partner may feel that they are wasting their time. For example, if one partner wants to get married, buy a house, and have children, but the other partner does not like the institution of marriage, wants to spend their money on traveling, and prefers not to have children, it can be a tough pill to swallow because the idea of “changing someone life goals” is not working.

If there are big differences like the one just shared, there will need to be some compromises and unfortunately, it is hard to compromise when it comes to having kids. Perhaps, it is agreeing on a smaller house, so that there is more room in the budget to comfortably travel, perhaps it is fostering children or adopting. Again, be clear on the life’s expectations. Sometimes these differences can be getting in the way of not proposing, which may be a good thing in the long run.

Set clear expectations.

The best thing to do when trying to get your partner to propose is to agree of what you both have envisioned for your relationship. Do not force your partner to propose a certain way, it is a special moment for your partner as well. Plus, it is okay to allow yourself to be surprised. If it is important for you to have it documented with photographers, have dreamed of having a specific kind of ring, or that you would like to be dressed up and have your nails done, tell that to your partner. He can communicate this with a friend or family member. If you are not one to normally get your nails done and your friend randomly asks to go get your nails done together, take this with a grain of salt, do not get your hopes up, just have fun with your friend. I have heard countless women share how they thought they were going to get proposed too on their vacation and they were constantly waiting only to get their hopes up night after night.

So, to summarize, the best way to get your partner to propose to you is to get to the point of making sure you both want to be married. In those conversations, have fun and share what you have envisioned. It won’t be 100% everything that you wanted, especially if you do not communicate it, but it will be special and one of a kind. If you both have agreed that you will get married, let it be, trust your partner, it will happen.

Be sure to check out the Diamond Premarital Online Relationship Course, as there is an exclusive bonus that is title The Questions You Must Answer Before Your Wedding Day, that you and your partner can ask each other before saying “I do.”

By Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT, Owner of Modern Wellness Counseling

Priscilla specializes in working with engaged couples and helps them learn the strategic tools needed so that they can be on the same page throughout every chapter of their lives. Be sure to check out the online premarital courses and do not forget to download the Free Conversation Checklist for Engaged Couples.