Part of planning for your marriage, is also planning whether you and your fiancé will one day have children (if you don’t already have children). This can be in a traditional sense of planning to get pregnant, or this can be related to adopting children later in your life. Another way of growing a family is to begin the marriage with stepchildren, but we will keep this topic for our next article. Regardless of how you will have a family later, it’s clear that your marriage will change.
When Two become Three
Modern Wellness Counseling
Here are some quick tips to consider in order to make this a relatively smooth transition.
- Get help from family and friends.
– It’s okay to ask for help from people who understand what you are going through. When friends or family ask “let me know if you need anything,” it’s okay to take them up on that offer!
- Plan for couple time.
– Remember that your couple time will sometimes get taken over by family time with your new baby! Remember to schedule in date nights and make time for intimacy and sex! The thought of this may be uncomfortable but remember that you did this when you were first dating.
- Communicate about your needs.
– This can be your physical, emotional, or mental needs. Couples who can communicate about their needs are more likely to maintain relationship happiness.
- Plan on how to divide chores up.
– Don’t do a tit for tat or how someone has it worse or has done more “work” than the other person. At the end of the discussion, the laundry still needs to get done and your new baby needs to be fed. How you are you splitting this up as a team?
- A life saver is going to be to accept that life will be chaotic and that it is an adjustment.
– Be patient with yourselves.
- Remember to set boundaries with families and friends.
– Your friends and family are also excited that you have had a baby and may want to come visit more often than before. If this is the case, let them know what time works best for you both.
- Money may get tight or you may feel that there is not enough.
– This will be an adjustment period and it’s important to decide together on what you both want for yourselves, your new baby, and your growing family. There will have to be some things that will have to be given up for the sake of time and money.
- Remember to be kind to one another.
– At the end of the day, you don’t want to feel like a screw up or feel that your “the bad parent/spouse.” Let each other know that you are grateful for them and point out the positives.
The transition to parenthood is an adventure that you both will do together. Taking the time to discuss the transition will help you both feel confident in yourselves, each other, and your marriage!
Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT , owner of Modern Wellness Counseling
Priscilla specializes in working with engaged couples by helping them to develop a solid foundation for their marriage and discuss expectations. Check out the next couples’ workshop to help you learn the basic communication skills to have important conversations!
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