How to Hold Onto

The Little Things

Couples Corner

It can be easy to get caught up in the busyness of wedding planning and life’s responsibilities. Many times, when people and couples get too busy and caught up with everything outside of the relationship, it can feel like there is something that is missing from the relationship.

Whether it is your wedding day, your honeymoon, or just a Tuesday afternoon, there are ways that couples can tune into one another as they find ways to enjoy the little things together. Here’s how:

Practice Gratitude

Research shows that engaging in moments of gratitude can increase positive emotions throughout your day. When you can apply this same skill to your relationship, you are more likely to experience positive emotions about your partner and about your relationship.

A way to do this is by:

  • Taking a moment to think about your partner (perhaps a fun and loving memory of them may help your brain focus).
  • Thinking about what you are most grateful for when it comes to your partner.
  • Notice the emotion that pops up for you as you do this.

This practice can be as short or as long, as you would like. The point is that you are taking a moment to experience a positive emotion related to your partner.

Verbalize what is going well

Many times, couples forget to share their positive emotions with each other and are likely to share what is frustrating them instead. The reason for this may be that negative emotions are challenging to tolerate, and we share this in hopes that it would make us feel better. Now I am not saying you should not share about emotions that are upsetting; but, instead saying to not forget about verbalizing what is also going well.

  • Perhaps thank your partner for something they did: “Thanks for going to the grocery store today.”
  • Compliment your relationship: “I love how we work together; it makes things easier.”
  • Celebrate small wins: “Yay, we finally cleaned up the garage, good job.”

Now if you are thinking, “why should I comment on something that should already be done?” Remember, the point is to hold onto the little things that happen throughout the day and this practice will make it easier to communicate about bigger things down the road.

Be intentional with touch

What’s the difference between a hug and embrace? I would argue that it is the intentionality of wanting to hold onto someone and share that short moment with them, even if it is for 3 seconds. Being intentional with your touch can communicate that you notice your partner and that you love partner (especially if this a love language for one of you).

You can try some of the following:

  • Try a 3-5 second hug while cooking.
  • A six-second kiss before leaving for work.
  • Cuddling while watching T.V.
  • Giving each other a massage.

Be sure to check out the Diamond Premarital Online Relationship Course , as there are practices related to gratitude, mindfulness, and engaging in Loving Kindness meditations. These are taught throughout the online premarital program and are shown how they can also be a healthy coping skills to overcoming stress.

By Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT, Owner of Modern Wellness Counseling

Priscilla specializes in working with engaged couples  and helps them learn the strategic tools needed so that they can be on the same page throughout every chapter of their lives. Be sure to check out the online premarital courses  and do not forget to download the Free Conversation Checklist for Engaged Couples.

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