A common worry I hear during premarital sessions with engaged couples is “how will we make sure our relationship doesn’t get boring?” A few thoughts that immediately come to mind is that couples like this recognize the reality that keeping the spark in a relationship does take work and that this is something that they value in their relationship.

So here are a few tips to keep in mind for after your big day!

Never stop dating each other

I know, a little cliché and probably something you will read a few times on some of the wedding cards you receive. But there is some truth to this. For example, something that I share with couples who may have a few children and feel that their desire and sexual intimacy has fizzled out is to schedule their sexual intimacy. Now this does not mean that at 7:00 p.m. you will robotically have sex, instead this is referring to the idea that when you were first dating and first began to be sexually intimate with your partner, chances are you were scheduling it into your day. You planned what outfit you were going to wear, you decided what perfume/cologne you were going to use, you chose to eat something at dinner that wasn’t going to make you feel sick or bloated, you asked your partner questions that helped you learn something about them, and you made time to have fun together. It was all planned and scheduled in.

So, moving forward, just because you got past the wedding day, doesn’t mean that all this intention to be close to your partner goes out the window. Be intentional with how you spend time with your partner.

Communicate needs, desires, and wishes

In our society, communicating about sex and desires is considered a taboo, and unfortunately this hinders couples from being able to share what they would like in their relationship. The best way to break out of this cycle, is to find a way to make this conversation fun. There are many couple games out there that help facilitate this conversation and you can also find a list of question in the Diamond Premarital Online Relationship Course. Take time to learn what turns your partner on, what turns your partner off, what they find to be romantic, and what they find to be sexy. It’s okay to take these conversations slow, meaning don’t try to learn everything all in one sitting. Be sure to check-in with your partner every couple of years as what you like today may not be what you like 2-3 years from now.

Compliment your partner

Compliments go a long way! Let your partner know that you find them attractive and see them as someone you desire. When you take the time to compliment your partner, it lets them know that you recognize them and notice how they look. If you are the one who is being complimented, say “thank you” and don’t dismiss it by saying something that negates your partner’s efforts and puts yourself down.

Do something your partner would see as spontaneous

We are creatures of habit and thrive on routines, cycles, schedules, etc. But that doesn’t really scream romantic and fun. The best way to go around this is to, you guessed it, “schedule it in.” This will be something that you are doing for your partner. Put it in your personal calendar to make time to do something spontaneous or special for your partner. Perhaps that is a fun date that they have been wanting to do, finding a way to get out of work early to have couple time, or even finding a sitter to have uninterrupted sex. And yes, this goes both ways. Let your partner in that you want them to also plan something out for you too.

The romance and fun in your relationship does not have to fizzle out after your big day and there are small things you can actively be doing to have the relationship you want.

Be sure to check out the Diamond Premarital Online Relationship Course, as there is an exclusive bonus that is title The Questions You Must Answer Before Your Wedding Day, that you and your partner can ask each other before saying “I do.” In there, you will also find a list of questions primarily focused on intimacy that will help engaged couples learn more about their desires.

By Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT, Owner of Modern Wellness Counseling

Priscilla specializes in working with engaged couples and helps them learn the strategic tools needed so that they can be on the same page throughout every chapter of their lives. Be sure to check out the online premarital courses and do not forget to download the Free Conversation Checklist for Engaged Couples.