Navigating the Emotional
Planning the Proposal
Are you ready to pop the question to your partner? If so, this article is just for you!
First off, congratulations on taking the next step. If you are ready to pop the question to your partner, chances are you and your partner have already talked about wanting to get married and seeing marriage as part of your future. If you have not had this conversation, then I advise that you do!
There are so many conversations wrapped up when deciding to make a commitment to spend your life with someone, and the best time to have those conversations is before you decide to propose.
Now, if you have already had the conversation of wanting to get married, then you are on the right track. I’m here to answer some common questions I get from partners who are about to propose.
Is it normal to feel nervous?
Absolutely! If you are experiencing some nervousness or anxiety about the upcoming proposal, don’t worry, this is normal! It does not mean that “this is the wrong choice.” Many proposals involve some planning and a bit of surprise factor, so the partner who is going to propose often experiences feelings like anxiety, nervousness, being on-edge, and even worry. A good way to help soothe this feeling is to:
- Take a deep breath.
- Remind yourself that your relationship is at a place to take the next step.
- Remind yourself that your effort in setting up this proposal is good enough! Sometimes thoughts like “did I get it right” or “am I missing something,” will naturally come up. If they do, turn to someone who you can ask and get reassurance (aka a family member or close friend).
How do I make sure all the details are right?
I know that many proposals have some sort of surprise factor and with social media, it’s easy to fall into a comparison game, especially when thinking about what you have in mind, what is realistic for your wallet, and what your partner has in mind.
Before even buying a ring, it’s okay to have a conversation with your dating partner and ask what they have envisioned. If you’re thinking about spending your life with someone, it’s okay to talk about your future together, including your engagement/proposal.
So, what kind of questions or details should I know?
Here is a list of some that can help give you some clarity:
- How do I know what kind of ring to buy?
- Ask your partner what they like and what they don’t like. I remember I told my now-husband that I wanted something simple and classic and gave examples as to what did not fit my style. Also, don’t forget their ring size if you are planning to propose with a ring.
- My parents gave me a ring that is considered a family heirloom, can I use that?
- Does your partner know about this family heirloom? Do they like the idea of having this as their engagement ring and proposal? If yes, then go for it! If not, consider how this can still be a part of your wedding.
- Should I tell other people?
- Do you know if your partner wants it to be just the two of you or have family and friends there? Do you or your partner want it to be recorded with a videographer or photographer? Depending on the answers to these questions, then yes, tell the people that need to know.
- For some cultures and religions, it is customary to get a parent or family member’s blessing on the upcoming engagement.
- If this is the case for your partner, consider respecting this custom.
- From someone who has been proposed too and who has attended other proposals, here are some additional tips to consider:
- Have some tissues close by, as there may be tears of joy.
- If you are planning to propose outside, make sure you have a backup plan in case the weather has different plans that day.
- If you are eating dinner before the proposal, make sure that you are considering any dietary restrictions. The last thing you want is for someone’s stomach to be upset while you are about to propose.
- Ask someone that supports your relationship for help when planning.
I know, so many things to consider! Remember that this is your proposal, as much as it is your partner’s, so talk about it beforehand. Most importantly, have fun! This will be a story that you will share many times with friends and family.
Be sure to check out the Diamond Premarital Online Relationship Course, as there is an exclusive bonus that is titled The Questions You Must Answer Before Your Wedding Day, that you and your partner can ask each other before saying “I do.”
By Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT, Owner of Modern Wellness Counseling
Priscilla specializes in working with engaged couples and helps them learn the strategic tools needed so that they can be on the same page throughout every chapter of their lives. Be sure to check out the online premarital courses to get more information on how you can begin to plan for your marriage and do not forget to download the Free Conversation Checklist for Engaged Couples.
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