Conflict is never fun, especially not when the conflict involves you and your fiancé arguing about something that involves your wedding! This can sometimes lead couples to feeling some fear or doubt, or fall into the belief that once the wedding is over, it will all “go away.” The thing with conflict is that there will always be something in life that leads to a bad argument, someone shutting down, or someone feeling lost. The only way to get through this together is to communicate!
How to Manage Conflict
With Your Fiancé
Tips For Managing Conflict Together:
- Recognize when you are getting upset.
- Heart pounding
- Muscle tension
- Racing thoughts
- Find ways to slow down.
- Deep breathing
- Taking a quick walk
- Identify why you are upset.
- Feeling disrespected
- Feeling unheard
- Not feeling understood
- Open up to your partner.
- Start sharing what you are feeling by using “I” statements
- Be specific about why you are upset
- Let your partner know what would help you.
Saying this can help: “I feel alone and sad when you focus on your phone while I’m sharing something I am excited about. I would appreciate it if you put your phone down when I talk to you.”
Saying this does not help: “You never pay attention to what I am saying.”
If the argument gets too heated, take a break that is no less than 30 minutes but no more than a few hours. It’s imperative to come back to the conversation.
What to Avoid When Managing Conflict:
- Ignoring the problem and pretending that it will go away permanently
- Yelling and insulting your partner
- Talking about your partner behind their back to family and friends
- Shutting down and giving the silent treatment without the intention of returning to the conversation.
Obviously, these are all easier said than done and will not naturally happen overnight. Like everything in life, the relationship and communication skills to manage conflict take practice and patience. Remember that you are setting the foundation for your marriage. These skills will be a lifesaver time and time again! If you would like to learn more on how to manage conflict in your relationship and to set your marriage up for success, you can check out my online relationship classes or some upcoming couple workshops on my website at www.ModernWellnessCounseling.com.
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