First off, let me summarize what Gary Chapman identifies as the 5 different Love Languages. In his research among couples, he found that partner’s pick up on certain behaviors as more valuable and identify those behaviors as being loved. Note that all these behaviors/love languages are important in some way, but you or your partner may put a higher priority on one over of the other.
Do You Know Your Love Language?
Do You Know Your Love Language?
Here is a breakdown of the 5 Love Languages
If your love language is physical touch, do not assume that this only means having sex. While sexual intimacy is a way to receive physical touch and therefore feel loved, this also includes being held outside of having sex. You may find that you feel special, noticed, and wanted when your partner reaches out to hold your hand, randomly touch or kiss you while at home or in public. You enjoy cuddling and being physically close. You may get bothered or feel hurt if your partner rejects these moments of physical connection
If your love language is quality time, this means that you feel most loved when you and your partner spend time together with minimal distractions. It means so much to see that your partner mutes notifications on their phone, lowers the volume on the T.V. when you interact with them, or engages in conversation with you. The amount of time is not the priority, but feeling that your partner is present with you, is more important.
Words of Affirmation
This love language means that you value verbal compliments and praise. Hearing “thank you,” “you look hot in that outfit,” “I noticed you did …,” and “I love you because…” means everything! It is important for you to make time for conversation and that you feel your partner is also opening up to you.
Acts of Service
If your love language is acts of service, this means that you value when your partner helps around the house or helps with things on your to-do list without you having to ask them to do it. It also means that you express your love by doing things for other people, for example, making sure your home is clean before your partner gets home or before your parent’s visit. The phrase “action speaks louder than words,” is what you place so much value on.
This love language means that you put value in the gifts you receive from your partner. Note that this does not necessarily mean the price tag of the gift, but you feel noticed if the gifts you receive is based on something you have been wanting, if it’s considered a “thoughtful gift” (based on your interests/hobbies), or is customized just for you. The amount of time and thought that goes into the gift means it is important for you because this signals that you were on your partner’s mind during this process.
Keep your Love Bank positive!
A fun way to think about engaging in the love languages, is to imagine making deposits into your “Love Bank.” For example, if your love language is Acts of Service and your partner does something for you, you can think of this as a $500 deposit into the Love Bank. If Receiving Gifts falls at the bottom of your love language list, then receiving random gifts may be a $20 deposit into the love bank. Remember these behaviors both fall into the “deposit” category, but the value is different. You can think of withdrawals from your love bank as those disagreements that all couples experience. Clearly, the more deposits into your Love Bank, resembles a sense of safety and security in your relationship. Here is a free Love Language translation table that shares behaviors that you could do to enhance your love bank and behaviors to stray away from if you want to avoid big withdrawals.
I highly encourage you take to the following quiz to find out how you rank on the different love languages. Take The 5 Love Language Quiz
By Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT, Owner of Modern Wellness Counseling
Priscilla specializes in working with engaged couples and helps them learn the strategic tools needed so that they can be on the same page throughout every chapter of their lives. Check out this premarital online course and this free conversation checklist!