I understand that as you plan your wedding, you are juggling so many things. One thing you may be juggling is your relationship with your wedding party. For many couples, the people they choose to stand by them are often close friends and family members. But what happens when issues come up with these loved ones? Well here are some tips on how to maneuver some common issues that may come up.

If someone is trying to steal the spotlight

Whether the issue is a bridesmaid sharing how she did things differently during her wedding or how she would do them if she were the one getting married, someone trying to steal the spotlight can be irritating. The irritating feeling is normal, this does not mean you are a bad person; but this does mean that a conversation needs to be had.

Remember, you have chosen this person to be in your wedding party because you feel some sort of connection to them, be honest with them and share with them kindly how it makes you feel when they constantly bring the attention to themselves.

Other people may notice this behavior, but no one is feeling the way you are, so in this situation, share what is happening to you. It may be that this friend or family member has no idea how you feel, and they are not behaving this way on purpose.

Financial issues

Keep in mind that everyone has different financial goals and spending habits. When asking your friends and family members to be in your wedding party, be honest with them as to what this means financially for them. This typically means being responsible to buy/rent what they will be wearing the day of the wedding, planning, and paying for bachelor/bachelorette parties, hair and makeup, etc. If you know someone may be struggling financially or recently found out about them losing their job, this will be an uncomfortable yet needed conversation. Remember to be empathic and understanding of their situation.

Some tips that I have heard from wedding planners and other friends is to talk about what people are comfortable spending and what their cap is. You can do this by having an open honest conversation or consider giving everyone an anonymous survey to fill out.

Share what you are envisioning

Remember that this is your wedding and not your wedding party’s. Meaning that your wedding party may not be thinking of your wedding and wedding planning as much as you are, and this is okay. This does not mean that they do not care. If you are envisioning something for the morning of or for one of your showers, share what is on your mind.

In addition, this also goes towards talking about the role your bridesmaids and maid of honor will play. Some couples who are getting married like to plan everything on their own, other couples want more help from their wedding party and expect for them to have more of an active role in the wedding planning. The only way to know this is to talk about it.

Bridesmaids complaining about their attire

Having your bridesmaids wear different styles is a current trend, which is perfect for your bridesmaid to choose a dress she will feel comfortable in. Of course, there becomes a focus on making sure it is appropriate and in your color scheme. If you find a bridesmaid complaining about their attire, it may be due to something personal. Have a private conversation, not in the middle of a dress shop, and try to understand what the real issue is and if you can come to a resolution together.

Drinking responsibly

If you are worried about people drinking too much, be sure to let people know that everyone is responsible for themselves. This is your day to enjoy and not to babysit. By now you probably know which people like to have a lot of fun when drinking. If it has been an issue in the past, feel free to bring this up.

Whose friend are they?

In all these scenarios, if someone in your wedding party is close to your fiancé, it may be best for your fiancé to talk to this friend to help set some boundaries. Remember, boundaries are okay, sharing your worries and concerns is okay, and that you have chosen your wedding party for a reason, so it’s okay to lean on them.

By Priscilla Rodriguez, M.S., LMFT, Owner of Modern Wellness Counseling

Priscilla specializes in working with engaged couples and helps them learn the strategic tools needed so that they can be on the same page throughout every chapter of their lives. Check out this premarital online course and this free conversation checklist!